So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
