Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
