Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
