weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
