i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
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