She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
