dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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