i just had sex bonerless
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
