Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
