wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
