It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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