meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
