Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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