So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
