i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
