when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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