im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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