Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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