addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
