I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
