Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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