The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
