btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
