you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
