Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
