You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
