well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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