Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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