I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
