So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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