I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
