If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
