but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
