Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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