i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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