I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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