I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
