I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
