and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
