Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
