I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wear drunk well.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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