Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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