i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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