I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
