I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
