I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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