Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
