i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
