alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I believe in your delicious
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
