I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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