Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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